To the Newly Widowed

I am no expert. Everyone's journey is their own. But I have learned a few things:

1. Ask for help. Let them clean your house, feed you, shop for you, whatever they or you can think of.

2. Drink lots of water. Crying so much can really dehydrate you.

3. Go to the board and share your scariest, craziest thoughts...others have been there and they will tell you you are not alone and not crazy. There is also a lot of great advice when you are facing a difficult milestone.

4. It gets better. then worse, then better but ultimately easier but that takes time.

5. Get together with other widows. go to a 'widowbago" you won't believe how great you will feel.

6. Screw the DGIs....they are called that for a reason.

7. Don't blame yourself. Actually, blaming anyone may interfere with your healing. They are still gone. (of course this doesn't apply to violent negligent death or murder but keep it focused, your blaming still can't bring them back.)

8. Try to sleep however and whenever you can.

9. Resist setting deadlines for grieving...forget that!

10. When you start raging IMHO, you are really starting to heal (funny the way it is)

11. Never give up

12. Honor them, celebrate them but learn you will celebrate your new life someday too.

13. You don't have to take anyone's advice (mine included) if it doesn't feel right for you.

14. you are not alone

15. you need to be selfish. learn that is actually a positive

16. No matter how much you wish you could be with them, whether passively or actually suicidal, someday you will find yourself reaching out to someone who is now where you were. I am always in awe of the widows I thought were really in danger when I see them, later, helping others.

17. I truly believe they live on in us.