The Finish Line

"Funny the Way it Is". There is NO finishline. Not happy about it but it's true. It changes It ebbs and flows. You laugh, you cry. After awhile you don't constantly meltdown but you'll still get slammed by the grief monster. They say you shouldnt make any major life chages the first year. Yet, we had no choice but to move 5 weeks after Mike's sudden death and before my guardianship of his son was settled. Luckily my sister in law was here and did just about eveything for us, I was numb and in shock. I slept, I did what people told me I had to do. I cried so hard I'd violently throw up. 11-12 months were the worse. No longer numb and facing the one year since his death was hell. one year didn't make it go away but now, for me it is more about just missing him. I am frustrated. I rage about just about anything that annoys me but I can't bring myself to be mad at him. I survive by honoring him. By acknowledging that I want him back but know he is gone...except here in my heart.

So those wise people further ahead on this jourey tell me I'll always have grief in some form. But I have hope. I know it is easier than before and believe it will continue to get easier.I know I'll still get my ass kicked by grief at times. But I'm not alone. I'll walk with you on this journey, just don't look for that finishline....there is none.

But it gets easier. I promise.