Rollercoasters Always Terrified Me

Funny the way it is the most common explanation of grief is that it is a rollercoaster ride. I've had full blown panic attacks on real rollercoasters. This grief rollercoaster has been scary as hell but I've ridden it. Mostly because I have no damn choice and at least I know I am not alone. As time has passed I feel more like riding unpredictible waves. Sometimes I still find myself on that terrrifying ride though. The waves can suck too...ever feel like you are drowning?